Sometimes I like to pretend my cat has feelings for me. Maybe it’s because my cranium spouts mucous like the blowhole of a whale, and that, for… Read more “Cats and Colds”
Tell me why he wants nothing but apple juice. Cheese is not an art form, and neither are feces. Please don’t kill the cat, and also don’t… Read more “How Can I Love Him?”
Hey, ya’ll! I’ve entered Erase Me, the book I was preparing for self-publishing, into a contest on Inkitt! If I win, I could win a serious publishing deal–dream… Read more “Free Copy of my Book!”
Dear Daily Burn advertisements, Please stop making me feel fat. Sincerely, I am not fat…right?
I’m going to hunt for Seto Kaiba. I’ll get an old van painted blue, record a few shows for ol’ Youtube. Everyone will want to see if… Read more “Why Fan Girls Creep Me Out”
I am a horrible person. A 600 pound woman, with flesh hanging like veils past her limbs, gave birth to a 40 pound baby not too long… Read more “I Am a Horrible Person”
My mom was just a little too…zealous about making sure she gave me the Talk. I mean, THE Talk: birds and bees, where babies come from, special… Read more “Precious Puppies”